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10 Steps to a Successful Confrontation

 

conversation2

Caring deeply . . .

speaking directly.

 

One of the core skills of coaching is the ability to speak clearly, articulately, and to use the language that will have the greatest positive impact on the client. You don't have to be a coach to communicate directly, even in tough conversations.

Let's begin with intent. No profitable conversation can occur without good intent and honest care for the other person. We must care first, then speak with skill. Now let's look at the elements of a skillful opening statement...which will be shared in one minute or less:

     1. Name the issue. Focus it down to the common theme.
     2. Offer a specific example. Current and succinct.
     3. Share your emotion. This makes it personal and makes you vulnerable.
     4. Describe what's at stake. Why is this important to them?
     5. Admit your contribution. Acknowledge your role in the issue.
     6. Reach for resolution. Speak your positive intent.
     7. Invite a response. This is the beginning of a conversation positioned for success.

The first 7 steps are just the setup. Craft this introduction with 1-2 sentences per point.

     8. Uncover their views. Inquire, clarify, paraphrase back until you understand.

Now you're ready for actual resolution:

     9. Define the learning. What has been uncovered? What remains to be said?

     10. Make an agreement. Create clear action steps with accountability.

For more on these ideas, refer to Fierce Confrontations, by Susan Scott.

 
Investing in Yourself

Investing. This word seems to be one we hear a lot about in today’s economy—and at the core, isn’t investing all about identifying and choosing those things that have worth? Things that are meaningful, important…things we cherish?

There are many areas of life that fall into this category – family, community, education, etc. One that rises to the top of my list as a professional is developing myself as a coach. I first became a coach in 2004, and it didn’t take long to realize the importance of continued study and intentional goals for developing my abilities. The more I knew, the more I saw there was to know…and the more I wanted to know. Yet the benefits of investment don’t come without sacrifice, time, and yes, even a price tag.

As I consider potential investments for 2012, I am personally aiming to reach the ICF Master Coach credential. To accomplish this, my investment includes these steps:

  • 200 hours of coach-specific training. This is complete and I can celebrate it, but hold on because there is still…
  • 2500 hours of client coaching. That’s a lot of asking, What do you want to do talk about today?
  • 10 hours of mentor coaching. Wouldn’t you think 2500 coaching hours would do the job? But the beauty of this is that I will get to learn from a Master level coach!
  • 3 reference letters. This is the easy part of the requirements.
  • And a 3-part exam. Guess if CCE expects our trainees to take exams, I shouldn’t be exempt.

To sustain my certification once achieved, I will continue to invest 40 hours of CEUs every three years. Is it worth it? I would contend the answer is, “Yes.” So what makes this true?

The demand for professional coaching is growing, the importance of representing the coaching professional well is at stake, and making a marked difference in the lives of people and organizations is what coaching is all about. Being “masterful” in coaching is key. And to be the best, to be masterful takes sacrifice, time, and a price tag.

Here are a few facts we can add to the value of investing in our coaching skills. Let’s take a peek at the recent preliminary Sherpa Coaching Survey Report...

Demand for Coaching

More, more, more. Last, year, most coaches were optimistic about demand for their services. This year, clients are joining in their optimism. Seven out of ten executive coaches and those who hire them say demand is going up. Life and personal coaches are optimistic, eight to two. In early returns, every buyer of coaching services sees demand going up in the next year.

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Coaching As A Way of Life

In recent years, managers and executives have been learning coaching skills. The philosophy of coaching is spreading in scope and becoming part of many leadership training programs. Over one third of respondents already have significant programs in place to teach coaching skills to managers and executives, while another one in five have programs in startup or design mode. More than one in four have coaching-based programs in place for teams, while an additional one in five have programs in startup or design mode.

In Sherpa’s full report, they will be breaking this out across company size, type, geographic location, and will present any significant findings.

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Two years ago, the number of people who received coaching as part of routine leadership development constituted a majority for the very first time. This year, the trend continues, as the majority of coaching is designed for improvement rather than correction or transition. Those who receive coaching for a specific problem or to ease a transition stand even, at around twenty percent each.

The Value of Coaching

In recent years, HR, training and business professionals have come to believe in coaching. Those who rate the value of coaching as “very high” has jumped by fifteen percent. Today, more than nine in ten professionals see the value of coaching as “high” or “very high.” Over eighty percent see the credibility of coaching as “high” or “very high.”

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I hope you you've enjoyed this information by Sherpa. You may have assessed at this point, that as the profession continues to advance, becoming a masterful coach will be important part of our portfolios.

Let’s invest together. Let’s make a commitment together, whether it is a small step or a major step to expand our coaching abilities! One step may mean taking a refresher coaching course, learning a tool such as Myers Briggs, or taking an advanced coaching course. Let’s be in the middle of the coaching demand, ready to coach, and ready to deliver top-notch coaching.

Three action steps:

  1. Ask: What development will increase my knowledge, understanding, and application of coaching skills? Click the PDF icon to download your Self-Assessment. This assessment will be very familiar to you if you completed Essential Coach Training (ECT). Coach Self-Assessment
  2. Plan: What will I do in 2012 to develop those coaching skills?
  3. Call: Set a date to call the CCE office to discuss your plan for added development of your coaching skills--612-246-4787.

 

 
Hard Lessons in a Microwave World

by Joe Denner

Today's post is a bit extended. But, I hope you will hang in there with me and enjoy the ride.

I had an interesting exchange with one of my sons the other day. He was complaining about a class we are making him participate in. He doesn't see how anything he is learning will help him with what he wants to do with his life. I tried to help him understand how the skills he was learning would be a major benefit in the field he wants to pursue, but to no avail. This is a challenge faced by many parents. I knew I wasn't alone.

Thankfully, the lesson from the movie "The Karate Kid" came to mind. So, my wife and I sat him down at the computer, did a quick search on YouTube and presto, there were the successive scenes we were looking for.

 
Creating Space for Life

by Annie Perdue-Olson

stress_oneOur stress levels skyrocket by the competitive pull between our work life, family life, and personal life. If you feel this pull, you’re not alone – stress affects everyone. When our drive to achieve goes into overdrive, living an integrated life becomes a distant dream. The stressors mount and drive our choices and keep us stuck in this vicious over-achieving cycle.

 
Closing the Gap

by Rick Raiford

As we near launch day for Conversational Leadership, I’ve found myself asking those questions, like we all do in the beginning: “Are we ready?”, “Do we have everything we need?”, “Is there something we’re not thinking about?”, “Is anyone going to hire us?”

Something about the way we were created makes it difficult for us to take a step of faith by getting out of the boat. We drift towards the probability that we will sink, rather than focusing on the possibility that we won’t.

 
Crisis = Danger and Opportunity!

by Alice Bourdon

Email forwards! Mostly they annoy me... You know the ones: “Forward this to ten people you care about, and you will be amazed to see what will pop up in your email in the next hour!” They are well-intentioned, but they feel like email “junk mail”!
 
Every Person is Responsible
Do we really believe this? If we do, what are the ramifications of that in our leadership? What are the results if we don't? A world of things hang in the balance with this coaching value.

So, what hangs in the balance?

  • The development of those we lead
  • The results of the organizational mission
  • Our effectiveness as a leader

When we both believe and act on the conviction that each person is responsible, resourceful, and capable, we actually draw those very qualities out of people. Our belief in them affirms the reality inside them. Conversely, if we expect them to be irresponsible, that confirms the behavior we expect.

Belief empowers. When we tap each team member's unique gifts and talents, the whole organization prospers. This is leadership! Good leaders recognize the potential of others and call it out of them, to the benefit of everyone. Now how?

How do we put this belief into practice? One action you can implement immediately is this: Once people know and own the organizational mission--and their part in it--allow them to help create the "how" of getting there. Invite your direct reports to set their own goals and create their own strategies in partnership with you and the rest of the workgroup. What they create will motivate them more than anything you can do. And that generates responsibility.

 

 
Going for the Heart

My life has been enriched from meeting many wonderful people in Nigeria last month and from having the opportunity to observe, first hand, coaching across cultural differences. Conversation matters--everywhere in this world. That's why we use the slogan, It's the conversation that counts.

As I pondered on what makes a conversation effective, I came up with three elements. Check these out below:
Values sign

1 - listen to understand
2 - ask to discover
3 - believe to empower


Employing coaching values as the bedrock of your conversation shapes our mindset, our frame of mind. What makes this as vital as good listening and questioning? Coaching skills in and of themselves are keys to savvy conversation, but values form the heart of conversation. Values communicate things like...
  • I genuinely care for you, your welfare, your future.
  • I want what is best for you.
  • I'm committed to your best interests.
When we make the following coaching values our mantra, they become embedded into who we are:
  • Co-Partnership or Collaborative Relationship – Coming alongside attitude of serving people’s agenda.
  • Relationship Stimulates Growth – Providing a supportive, encouraging, trusting envrionment where people thrive.
  • Responsibility – Respectfully regarding people as capable of stewarding their life.
  • Believe the Best – Believing, affirming, and valuing people.
  • Distinct Design – Honoring people’s remarkable blend of natural abilities, acquired skills, personality, passion, and gifting.
  • Exploration and Discovery – Providing a safe environment for people to explore possibilities.
  • Integrity, Authenticity, and Sincerity – Committing to consistently demonstrate these qualities to each person you coach.
Wherever the doors open for us as coaches, let’s take our coaching values with us. Genuine care is a gift that can be given anywhere in our world.
 
What Gets Talked About Gets Done

by Joe Denner

A number of years ago I had a CEO who was a turnaround specialist say to me, "What gets talked about gets done." That is something I have remembered ever since.

In other words, what we as leaders talk about consistently is what people realize must be important. If the boss is that focused on it, everyone figures there is a reason for it and starts thinking and moving in that direction, sometimes even unconsciously.

 
Circling Instead of Moving Forward

by Annie Perdue-Olson

If you are a coach or if you are a leader, I bet you’ve experienced something similar to what I did a few weeks ago. While exploring action steps with a coaching client (for you it may have been an employee), you notice after about 10 or 15 minutes the conversation circles back to where you started. The same concerns emerge again and it’s usually some roadblock to the goal.
 
How's Your Hedgehog?

Align your circles . . .


Circle 1 - Passion

Circle 2 - Ability

Circle 3 - Profitability

 

 

To find your "sweet spot" of purpose and performance, you must be able to define each of these three circles. What are you most passionate about? What makes you feel fully alive? As a leader, what brings you most joy? Got it?

Now move to ability. What are your greatest skills? What are you best at...either as a person, a solopreneur, or a corporate leader? Now...where do your passions and your abilities overlap? You're almost there!

Now look at profitability. It's not enough to be passionate and skilled--you must be able to articulate what your market wants and is willing to pay for. If you have multiple products and services that are all in demand, then look at your margins. You can carry as many "pet projects" as you have energy for, but you'd better put 80% of your resources and attention on the intersection of all three circles!

If you can't define any of these circles, then don't do anything else until you do. Ask your colleagues. Ask your customers. Ask your mentors. Hire a coach until you can name these three essentials with clarity, conviction, and confidence. Now you have your sweet spot. Now you're ready to work.

 
Coaching Impact on Non-Profit Leadership and Management

by Mary Verstraete

The 2003 Compasspoint Executive Coaching study found that coaching had a significant impact on non-profit leadership and management.

Key Findings - Leadership

  • Increased confidence in exercising leadership
  • Improved ability to connect with the organization's vision
  • Increased confidence in leading the organiation toward fulling the vision

Key Findings - Management

  • Increased task completion and productivity
  • Improved personnel management skills
  • Better relationships with staff and Board of Directors (e.g., communication skills)
Overall, many Executive Directors (Eds) realized success with coaching in the development of leadership skills as well as significant improvement in their productivity, delegation skills, and staff relationships. In particular, in their interviews, many EDs described their improved ability to connect with the organization’s vision, and increased confidence in leading the organization toward fulfilling the vision, as a result of coaching.

Another common interview theme was that coaching helped EDs accept their approach to leadership.

 

 
The Soft Zone

by Joe Denner

Some CEO's and other top executives tend to shy away from conversations about what are called "soft skills." They like to talk about the tangibles of strategy, vision and execution. But, you cannot get away from the critical role that those soft skills play in the success of an organization. In their book, The Power of Full Engagement, Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz reference observations from Gallup by noting that:

 
Listen

Level 1 - distraction
Level 2 - information
Level 3 - inspiration

When you intentionally "tune in" to someone, you not only hear the facts of what they are saying, you hear their emotion - their hope, their frustration, their sense of what's possible. Tuning-in means that you pay attention to the images, metaphors, and phrases that emerge, as well as the emotion that is evoked within you from the conversation. Skilled coaches listen and then resonate with the person's words and the meaning. This kind of listening enables you to join with the person in the journey instead of standing from a distance, only hearing about their journey.

Level 1 listening tunes into someone's conversation in bits and starts. This low-level listening is easily distractible, both by the environment as well as by the inner conversation. The Level 1 is often thinking about what he or she is getting ready to say next...rather than what is already being said.

Level 2 listening is a step up in that the listener is intent upon catching all the information that the speaker is communicating. At this level, all the spoken "data" is being collected. Even here, though, the impactful meaning of that data may be missing.

Level 3 listening is listening with your heart. Hearing the energy and emotion behind the words. Perceiving what is said and what isn't said. This is where true communication takes place.

 
The Coaching Client and Metacognition
Client metacognition is the process where the client "thinks" about his or her thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Focusing on oneself enables the client to better access the internalized mental representation of the standards and reference values by which the client evaluates his or her performance (Stober & Grant, 2006). Hollenbeck & Brief, 1987, and Church, 1997, found that high-performing managers were significantly more self-aware than low performing managers.
 
Miracles in Waiting

Gardenby Jerome Daley

Last summer, I planted two gardenia bushes beside our back patio. All summer long, they prospered and gave us luscious, fragrant white blooms! It was amazing. When winter came, their leaves turned brown--which didn't surprise me. But when spring came around, and everything else greened up and started to blossom, my poor gardenias remained brown-leaved and, to all appearances, dead!

 
Coaching Conversations that Engage the Listener

by Mary Verstraete

Check out the following ways that I have found helpful in talking about coaching. What have you found effective in explaining coaching to someone who is unfamiliar with coaching? 

  1. Use language that the listener cannot misunderstand.

The profession of coaching has language that many people are not familiar with. For example, “Coaching is a co-partnership where the client is the expert.” This statement will not compute for most listeners without explanation. But, if you were to say, Coaching is a creative process between a coach and client where the client is supported in maximizing his personal and professional potential. It’s simple yet to the point, and it uses common language that will invite the listener to want to know “how” this is accomplished. 

 
Breaking Through

By Jerome Daley

Two Saturdays ago, I had my black belt test. It was the culmination of four years of studying Tae Kwon Do, a Korean martial art. I originally began because it was a way to do an activity with my son, Thorpe. But when he decided to pull out, I was having too much fun and stayed in.

On the left here, you can see the "shine" my daughters created from the cinder block I broke...and the reason I'm sharing this with you is that it has become a powerful symbol of breaking through in the realm of life. I think you'll be able to relate!

 
What Are Coaching Trends Indicating?

by Mary Verstraete

In recent weeks I have been studying the current coaching trends and what coaches must be consonant of when it comes to the coaching profession. We know that coaching is transformation at the organizational level and the personal level. We know that at its core, coaching is a viable profession. Yet, its results are yet to be factually substantiated and coaching in its present state, is not without its critics. I wanted to begin concretely answering the question, “What steps can be taken to develop the professional in to a highly viable and accepted profession that is known for meeting needs, is a solution, and produces results?” I first looked at what the executive coaching audience was indicating to answer a portion of this question.

 
New Tools for New Challenges

by Jerome Daley

I was in the shower yesterday and happened to be thinking about the current batch of new coaches I'm training. This is the first training I have conducted that literally reaches around the globe--one calls in from Indonesia, one from Thailand, one from the Netherlands, etc. This group has had to learn how to wear some new armor!
 
From Ending to Beginnings

by Mary Verstraete

Redesigning trainings…starting new projects…launching a new web-site…building a new team. And that’s just a few of the changes here at CCE in the last six months. I am thrilled by the possibilities of the new things that change brings. On the other hand, change engages emotions for all of us because of what we must leave behind to reach for the new opportunities in our future.